Do you know people who seem to be naturally joyful and wonder what their secret is? I believe that the feeling of joy can be cultivated, nurtured and expanded no matter what your starting point is. As a psychotherapist I have had a special interest in studying the blossoming field of Joy for the last two years. There is an area of study in psychology called positive psychology which explores all of the factors that lead to the positive emotional states like joy, contentment, fulfillment etc. Paul Pearsall, Ph.D, author of Super Joy (Don’t you just love the title—not just “Joy” but “Super Joy”!) refers to himself as a Joyologist. As soon as I read that I thought, “What a great idea—I’m going to be a joyologist too.” Feel free to adopt this title for yourself—no degree required– just a deep desire to learn what needs to happen to bring yourself more into this wondrous state in your day to day life.
Despite what we believe, right and wrong, good or bad, is generally a local, modern, temporary attitude that is nothing more than regular behavior for this time at this place. It’s not ‘true’. It is worth having this in mind when listening to the views of another person and think whether their values reflect their age and environment as much as our own opinions reflect ours. Factors such as income levels, racial origin, birthplace and time of life are primary in the formation of belief and customs. We deserve and win respect if we show respect to another person whose words and actions speak of these differences.
If someone’s talking and you are secretly resistant and feel the inner tendency to disagree, then – even if you keep quiet – they unconsciously respond to that. It will probably diminish their ability to express their thoughts clearly and confidently – and indeed can actually quite significantly influence not only how they speak but also what they say. However, if our listening attention is warm and supportive, then rapport is established and a sense of harmony can pervade the atmosphere between us. What is said then somehow gives form to the good feelings that exist and generates positivity that can help you in what you want from the exchange.
It’s important. To make the world a better place we all need to speak with more optimism and care, and therefore learn to listen to others in such a way that their thoughts and words are more inclined to be positive. A job that needs finesse! We can’t just tell people to stop being negative because this will simply strengthen their attitude. Of course realization needs to occur, (and we may feel constrained and obliged to facilitate this awakening!) and yet surely we need to handle it gently.